courage with a lowercase "c"

    Happy New year everyone! It's a brand new year for so many exciting things to take place! Today I want to talk about what it means when courage has a lowercase 'c'. When most people think of Courage they think of superheros or people that have accomplished great things in their life. When I think of Courage I think of people who have climbed mt. Everest or people who have stood up for what they believe in and they've done it in a huge way. I see Courage as a lion that roars but have you ever thought that maybe courage could also be a struggling person taking it one day at a time. courage with a lowercase 'c' can be the voice in your head saying, 'just try one more time'. It's the voice saying, 'I know your afraid but I am here with you and you can do this'. Being courageous isn't always what people think it is. There is always two sides to everything and you must look at both sides to really understand. Everyone is courageous but everyone is courageous in their own way. For some people it could look like a lion roaring. It could be something that made a huge difference in their community, school, neighborhood, or even nation wide but for others courage can look like going to work or school even though it would just be easier to stay home or it could be standing up in front of 20 people to teach them about something important.
    The dictionary definition for courage is the ability to do something that frightens them. Then it lists some synonyms and most of them I agree with but one I do not is fearlessness. In my opinion, you do not have to be fearless to be courageous but you are courageous despite fear. It is always okay to be afraid but it is what you do with that fear that matters. You can't let that fear overrun your faith. Your faith must always be stronger than your fear. I could be afraid that I won't be able to start nursing school next fall but I'm not because I know, as Noah so graciously pointed out to me, God's got my back so no matter what everything will be okay. It doesn't matter if I start nursing school next fall or in 3 years because I know God's timing is always the best timing. If I let my fear of setbacks overcome my faith in God's plan it'll do more harm than good.
    courage with a lowercase 'c' says even if I mess up today there will always be tomorrow to do better and be better. It doesn't have to be big or bold or even noticeable to others. courage with a lower case 'c' says to believe in yourself, know that you can do it, give 100%, love and trust God, persevere through all obstacles, take one day at a time, one hour at a time or even one minute at a time. Do whatever it takes to make it through and God promises it will be worth it. Put your heart and soul into God and his strength will pull you through. When big things are weighing you down look at the little things and try to enjoy the journey even if it is bumpy along the way.
    I'm not saying I have an insane amount of courage or anything because I don't but I think I do have a unique perspective on life that Lyme disease has so graciously given me. Always being in pain and feeling bad most days for the last 4 years really taught me what is really important in life and what matters most. In some ways I'm grateful that Lyme has come into my life. It has taught me so many things especially to trust God despite fear. A huge amount of fear can accumulate when you are chronically ill. Just the word 'Chronic' can destroy someone's hope for a normal life. Fear is around every corner so to be able to look beyond the fear is a great accomplishment. It took me a long time to learn that but now that I have I am so much happier. I still have fear but my faith is stronger. courage with a lower case 'c' is subtle and hard to spot but its there and it doesn't matter if its a different kind of courage it is still courage nonetheless.
 


  To end this blog I just wanted to give everyone a little update. This past couple weeks or so has been pretty rough due to trying to switch from IV antibiotics to oral antibiotics. The new oral antibiotic is very strong and has many side effects and if its listed as a side effect, I have it. (We stopped that antibiotic and I do not plan on taking it again) My appetite has been pretty much zero and eating anything makes me feel pretty awful afterwards. Thinking and pain also hasn't been great but its tolerable. December 29th we saw a new Lyme doctor in Houston and she was fantastic! She explained everything so well. She was so cheerful and really listened to what we had to say. She ordered some blood work and will call us when the results come in. Depending on what the results show, my medication will be changed around a bit and hopefully we will begin IVIG infusions once a month to help my immune system recover and do its job better. She also said that she doesn't like to use the word "cure" but she hopes for "remission with very low probability of relapse" after 3 to 6 years of treatment! That's the best prognosis I've ever heard! I know I can fight this horrible disease for 3 to 6 years if that means I could be symptom free for numerous years or even a few decades! This new doctor has revived my hope that there is an end to all this and that there will be remission once again!